Job 30:25-27 “Have I not wept for him who was in trouble?
Has not my soul grieved for the poor?
But when I looked for good, evil came to me;
And when I waited for light, then came darkness.
My heart is in turmoil and cannot rest;”
The magnitude of people currently enduring some form of suffering is hard to wrap one’s mind around. As a result of the Covid pandemic, there have been almost 7 million deaths documented around the world. Statistics seem very general until those statistics affect you or your family and it becomes all too real, and there are many cases that have not been reported. The total casualties in the Ukraine ware are estimated to be around 354,000 people from both sides of the conflict. With an increasing number of earthquakes comes an increasing number of people losing their lives, it’s estimated that nearly 60,000 people have died in earthquakes since 2020.
With the massive loss of life comes the grief that surrounds the loss of loved ones. To those who endure loss, the prospect of moving on can be a difficult one. For many, the stress of a world that is not as it once was can be difficult to process, the uncertainty of the times and the changes that have been occurring at unprecedented rates leave many in a state of anxiety and depression.
Also getting lost in the shuffle are the people enduring other forms of trial, massive inflation, uncertainty of war, lockdowns, the lack of available medical help, isolation, and financial insecurity is more than some can endure.
Grieving can be destructive or it can be beneficial, depending on the perspective.
John 16:33 “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”
Positive Effects
Grief has usually been associated with profound sadness. The loss of a loved one, the loss of security, a career opportunity, or anything considered of value can affect people in different ways. When considering the process of grief, we must consider what that process entails. A hope that was never realized, a dream that sadly came to an end, or a future with someone that has come to an abrupt conclusion, far sooner than you anticipated.
Often times the emotional experiences involve anger, confusion, or sadness. I’m not interested in exploring the 5 stages of the Kubler-Ross model for grieving which many take into consideration. It can be helpful to know what your going through is not uncommon but I believe it’s more valuable to know what God is doing through the experience.
- Grief is a process that shapes and forms us. What shape a person takes depends on how they respond. Focus on the resentment and bitterness grows, leading to anger and regression. Focusing on the Lord moves a believer from a place of confusion into a position of hope. Perspective is gained when a person is able to rise above the circumstances. The only One who can lift up the brokenhearted is the One who dwells above our circumstances. The more we understand how to deal with grief, the less vulnerable we are to change. The Lord makes His people stronger through trials, for those whose strength is in the God of all Creation.
Isaiah 57:15 “For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in a high and holy place, and with the oppressed and humble in spirit, to restore the spirit of the lowly and revive the heart of the contrite.”
2. People’s paths can change dramatically from a crisis, when led by God this brings a new found strength that can be shared with others. I know a dear family who lost a young daughter to drowning. The feelings of guilt and sorrow were only soothed by the abiding presence of the Lord. As their family healed, a tenderness developed for others who currently have experienced loss and they became highly motivated to reach out to other people in crisis and give them some perspective. The mother who lost her little girl at times would hear in the news of a family who was at the hospital, people she didn’t even know who had lost a loved one, and she would go to the hospital to comfort those in grief. She used the strength she found through her loss, to give others hope.
Psalm 34:18 “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted; He saves the contrite in spirit.”
3. Grief can draw loved ones in closer. Shared loss brings about shared emotions that bind. The emptiness of loss causes us to draw closer together to help fill the void. The church is vital in this process of healing. Those within the body who share the same Spirit of God, have a common factor within each and every believer. That Spirit causes a profound love for one another that exceeds anything the world can give. When one part of the body suffers, the entire body reacts. It is this love of Christ that draws believers in together and reminds the grieving they are not alone. Many who have experienced grief within the church community have reported times of how people would simply come and sit with them, speaking little, but giving of their time, and how this had more of an impact than someone who tried to give all the answers.
Isaiah 61:1 “The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound.”
4. Grief can bring a resiliency that was not had before. When you realize that you can recover through something as devastating as the loss of a loved one, you discover how the Lord will sustain you through anything that might come your way. Strength is gained not in yourself, but in God. The emptying of self in the midst of loss allows the Lord to fill you up with His strength and it is by His provision you can now move forward.
Isaiah 40:31 “But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.”
The Negative Effects
When we allow our sorrow to turn inwardly, we place the focus on ourselves and act in ways that can be destructive.
If grief becomes complex then destructive behavior turns into patterns that cause damage in how we relate to others. These patterns include:
- Intense sorrow, pain and rumination over the loss of your loved one.
- Focus on little else but your loved one’s death.
- Extreme focus on reminders of the loved one or excessive avoidance of reminders.
- Intense and persistent longing or pining for the deceased.
- Problems accepting the death.
- Numbness or detachment
The enemy to your soul will use anything in your life by which you are vulnerable. There is nothing good within our flesh and when our goal is to focus on ourselves, we allow the flesh to lash out in ways that keep us bound.
Psalm 34:22 “The Lord redeems the soul of His servants,
And none of those who trust in Him shall be condemned.”
The way to healing is by trusting in the Lord for His provision. He fills up the void left through loss. He restores the soul and sets feet on mountain tops. He does it all because He intensely loves you.
Our responsibility is simply to Trust and let Him guide us through the journey. When we do, we will be stronger for it, and grief will be turned into joy.
The good that comes from grief is a result of a good God, and He is always good to His people.
U.T. 